New Every Morning

Last year was a wash, really. Only I didn’t become conscious of  it until one week into 2011.

Seriously.

I almost coasted through the holiday season illness free. [Unlike last year when I spent over two months with one infection or another.] But then it happened. The day after Christmas I felt it – a  tightness in my chest, an inability to breathe deeply; within days I was antibiotics for walking pneumonia.  And we were out of town. Ugh.

As it goes, the {bed}rest required for recovery gave me ample time to read, ponder and pray… Only that light bulb didn’t go off in my head until I was almost well again. Right about the same time I had an epiphany about my year.  I blew it.

True Story.

When the light bulb turned on in my head as the epiphany was still ping-ponging back and forth between my ears, I picked up my devotional that evening and it started with Lamentations 3:19-23.
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; how great is Your faithfulness.
The original translation I read is from “The Message”. It reads, “I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope”. The words hit me. I read them and reread them; and the impact of the words rushed over me like an open floodgate. Hitting bottom. Not like an alcoholic or drug addict would; but rather, over the previous months I had slowly, quietly shut down and/or sabotaged a parts of my life over and over again.  Ouch.

20110117-_MG_1711

I knew 2010 would be a challenging year yet I started out in a sprint forward with hope and perseverance. But I soon lost speed with disappoint, bad news, loss of friends & loved ones and… FEAR. I took my eyes off the prize, I disqualified myself from the race, so to speak, and I didn’t even consciously realize I was doing it. It is very humbling to wake up and count the {really stupid choices and} mistakes you make (mistakes so easily avoided) and to admit that somewhere along the way you walked right off the path and kept on trudging along – the hard way. I’m not going to expound on the details of my journey through 2010 or the events that propelled me forward, some were posted here through the pages; but this year I believe I had more blog drafts than I had published posts. Another clue to a year thrown out of alignment.

It was no mistake you know…  getting sick with the one illness that makes me STOP.

Literally – Stop.

Obviously, that’s what I needed to see I wasn’t on the path I wanted to be. To see that I wasn’t fully trusting my Father in Heaven enough. To see that I was living through the fear of “what could or couldn’t  be” rather then living in the faith of  “what IS”.

My affliction and my wandering…yet the passage continues –

Because of the LORD’s great love
we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning.
 

20110115-_MG_1349

NEW Every Morning.

Not once a year. But – Every. Morning.
No regrets.


Here's to a new morning. 

3 comments:

Michelle said...

I hear you.

As I was down and out with a knee injury and a horrible cold on top of it I realized as I lay there on my bed praying that God was using the down time to bring me back to him in a way I hadn't been in a long time. It was humbling, to say the least. And comforting, too.
His mercies are new every morning. So while I have a big plan for my year, I am also learning to just take this one day and make the most of it with Him. That's it and that's all.

Here's to a GREAT 2011
Feel better! :)

Tracey said...

Can relate on so many levels. :)
Trusting that our lows and struggles are held by a God that knows us and SEES us. Praying for a 2011 of hope, healing, and health for you too!
t

Kim Aldrich said...

Lovely post, beautifully put. Sorry you had such a painful realization, but glad for the insights gained. I've had similar moments lately...and have discovered that there's life after "hitting bottom." There's springing back up to the top for air, once you hit the bottom of the pool! Thank you Lord for those dark moments that lead to new seasons.

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