A Mother's Day

At the end of 1999 I became a step-mom to a wonderful young 9-year-old that I love. But when Mother's day rolled around each year I felt awkward and out of place in the roll of "Mom for the Day" After all, his mother is VERY much in the picture and it was clear that there was room for only 1 mom. This was not presented bitterly or with aggression, it was just a fact; and honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way for him. Unless (at my expense) it meant having both his parents together; but that was not going to happen and God brought me into the lives of this boy and his father.

It also didn't change the weird out-of-place feeling I had each Mother's day. Yes, the G.I.D. reaffirmed that I was a great wonderful mom, but it wasn't enough because in so many ways I wasn't a mom. I cringed when that day would arrive, When called to stand in church for my rose that were given to mothers each year I would slouch down in my seat - only have my husband insist I stand. I wouldn't make a fuss about the day, (I still don't actually) I just tried to let it slip by so that I could feel very little - discomfort.

Then Harrison came along. I truly didn't think I would have a child, 3 years later I still watch him in amazement - this life that I carried inside of me, that I helped form, that God has entrusted to me to care for and raise.

I am a mother.
I am in awe of him. He turns to ME for comfort, he wants MY hugs, he asks ME to sing to him each night. He says to ME every day, "I love you, MOM." And when I've been away for a few hours, it's MY arms that he runs into.

I hold those hands and tickle those feet that I get to watch grow and help shape. I don't always feel worthy, I often get angry but he comes back to ME, his Mother.

The joy in that is ineffable. It leaves me speechless. He has no clue how long I waited for him or what I went through. He only knows that I AM HIS MOTHER.

I miss my own mother and grandmother daily, so Mother's Day has never been about grieving that loss. I only hope that I can honor their memories and live up to the legacy as a mother that they left for me.

I am the Mother now, I get it. Tomorrow if they pass out roses at church, I will be the first one out of my seat joyous at being a mother not only to Harrison but to his Big Brother because I made a difference in the life a child.

Happy Mother's Day to all the incredible moms and moms-to-be out there!



Photos courtesy of Fortier Photography - copyright all rights reserved.