Oh, Those Silly Forwarded Emails ...

Remember back in the early to mid 90's when people were just beginning to make home computer purchases; when finally, they became affordable for the average American and one could access the internet by plugging a cable into their home phone jack. It reminds me of the television boom in the late 40's to early 50's [no, I wasn't alive yet], TV went from being experimental to commercial and shortly after WWII, families added television sets to their must have lists.Within 30 years of the first television there was one in almost every home. Within 30 years of the birth of commercial internet service/the World Wide Web [so funny to say that now] there are computers with internet access in {almost} every home. Most people can't  imagine living without it; my four-year-old uses words and terminology that was once reserved for computer scientists and professionals when I was his age.

Back in the mid 90's I had access to email service at work, by 1996 I had an AOL account. Shortly after, I started getting those forwarded emails from friends and acquaintances - jokes, chain letters, inspirational - you name it. 15 years ago I printed out some of the funnier ones - I always love a good laugh and at that time I had no clue what was to come.

As I did a Spring Cleaning [in mid-Summer], I found a file folder filled with those saved emails and other items that left me inspired -  or ROTFL.   I'm throwing recycling the paper copies, but I thought I would share a couple of my favorites. 

The best part, this has been attributed to an Irish Worker's Comp office, English Worker's Comp. office, Australian Worker's Comp. office, and a State Farm office. Don't you love the "telephone" effect of email?

Maybe there is some truth to this one? No?
Enjoy it anyway.

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.

This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.

This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me.

This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

1 comment:

Mohamed Taher said...

Hello,
Did you notice my new blog: http://forwardability.blogspot.com/-- all about the fun, fuss, and fury of the forwarded emails.

Will appreciate your comments.

Wish you and your family season greetings, happy holidays, happy Hanukkah, merry Christmas, Winter Solstice, Muharram, and a very happy and prosperous new year!!

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